Of A Meaningful Life: A Wager

Photo by Eileen Harper, 2009
" All of us waves are going to be nothing... No, you don't understand. You're not a wave, you're part of the ocean."— Morrie Schwartz


I have been taking an Existentialism class this semester, and for the first time in my philosophical life, I have come face to face with the fact that all these vague arguments I make about the world on a daily basis have changed me. My views on the nature of time, of the relativity of morality, on the reality of experience have all effected the way I choose to view the world. And as a philosophy major, and someone who spends a good deal of time thinking about such topics, I can finally say that I understand, at least to some extent, why I believe and think the way I do about the world.

I have long been an Atheist, this is nothing new, but in exploring existentialism I came to realize why, truly, it is that I am atheist. It is more than just a distaste for modern religions (not that they are all bad) and it is more than just an inability to believe. It is a choice I make, every moment of every day. According to Blaise Pascal, a well known existentialist philosopher, we should all choose to be religious believers, people with faith in the infinite existence beyond our finite life. His idea is that life is a wager, we have a finite life, bounded on one end by birth, the other by death, and what we do in this life either allows us an infinite existence in some sort of heaven, or it does not. Thus, he argues, we should devote our lives to faith, for a finite life seems little to bet against an eternity in heaven.

I must agree, Pascal's logic is sound, betting a small finite existence for an eternal one makes sense. Yet, something in me rebels against this notion. What if this finite existence is all I've got? What if, even with faith, I have no chance of an eternal life? Then, it seems I must live. Are you willing to bet your assured life, however long it may be, against a chance? I am not. I would much rather spend my life affirming for each moment, that I am alive, that my existence is mine to choose, rather than betting on maybe getting some future reward.

If there is no eternal life after this one, it will be as if I had never existed. In two-hundred, three-hundred years, who will remember me? No one. My body will be long gone, my spirit, (if indeed I have one) my mind will all be gone, as if I had never been. But, for this brief lifetime I have, I will have affirmed, against the silence of the universe, that I have lived. And that is what matters to me. I live for me, because I, against all scientific odds, have gotten the chance to live... so I must use my right to it.